The Guardians Were And Are A Drag

The Cleveland Guardians will not win the World Series this autumn, just as they have not in any of the last 78 autumns. They were eliminated Monday night by the Tampa Bay Rays: out-slugged, out-small-balled, and outlasted. Thus ends what was, by regular season record, an uneven and dreary but still somehow typical year for the Guardians, who have won between 49 percent and 63 percent of their games every season for 14 years running. In terms of proximity to a championship, this was the most successful Guardians season since 2016, when they made the World Series and fell in seven games to the Chicago Cubs. "We won another division," said a gloomy Austin Hedges after his Guardians were eliminated Monday night. "That's really cool. We won a playoff series. That's really cool." Hedges was hurting, and his point was that the objective coolness of these accomplishments would eventually penetrate his disappointment and give him a sense of satisfaction. Unfortunately for Hedges, almost nothing about the Guardians can be honestly described as "cool." In the realm of aesthetics and vibes, let me say this much: I am glad I do not have to watch any more Guardians games between now and next summer. It's not that I bear them any specific ill will: Unlike at least one of my Defector colleagues, I am not pursuing an active personal vendetta against Steven Kwan. But as the Rays ascended in this ALCS—and as a consequence of the particular way that they ascended, by being better than the Guardians both where the Guardians are weak (hitting the ball hard, hitting the ball in the air) and where the Guardians are strong (posting crooked numbers without ever making solid contact)—they began to exude what I think of as the good kind of inevitability. Tampa Bay's guys were cool and cocky, they seemed downright saturated with juice, and at regular intervals they did bitchin' things. They seemed dialed to the moment, which is to say like a team that belonged in the World Series.

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