The Astros And White Sox Are The Playoff Matchup This Moment Deserves

It is October-y enough to be October, even though October is still days away, which means it's time to find out how many of you weirdos can hold a grudge that isn't yours to hold. The Houston Astros, American League West champions at 81-81, are officially the worst team ever to make baseball's postseason after edging out two other teams that also would have been the worst teams ever to make baseball's postseason. Now you can all get all fever blistered all over again about Carlos Beltran's crimes against humanity nine years ago. The Astros have turned over most of their roster and all of their front office since then, but they remain That Team for people who prize long memories and petty crimes, or just don't like the Astros. Before 2017, nobody really disliked the Astros, if only because you have to cast a shadow to make people feel your chill. They've been good enough since to have earned their enmity. They have the second best record in baseball over the last decade in both the regular and postseasons, and either despite that or because of it a certain segment of the baseball-speaking population seizes up northward from the seater remembering when the Astros beat out victory rhythms in their first championship season thanks to an array of friendly garbage cans and some sign-stealing players who apparently learned how to convey their thievery to each other from John Bradbury. In the end, of course, it's all branding. The Astros have been marked as polyrhythmic brigands since their McKinsey Era, even though they only have one player left from the 2017 championship team; that one player is Jose Altuve, so it's the smallest surviving member at that. But hey, at least half of our politics is people trying to re-litigate the Civil War, and history is as toxic as you want to make it. So if you feel chapping down below when the Astros appear in your line of vision, well, get some Benadryl and bite down on the coffee table. They're back.

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