The Finings Will Continue Until Morale Worsens

When Amon Ra St. Brown scored a second-quarter touchdown today against the New York Jets, he did not simply drop the ball in the end zone and walk off the field without acknowledging any teammates, the crowd, or anyone else. But he should have. The National Football League has fined him nearly $60,000 for four incidences of rampant fun-having (miming smoking) in the Lions' 41-31 Week 2 loss to the Buffalo Bills, so he should deprive the league of that amount of fun in the future. Childish? You betcha. Then again, what better time to be snippy with the bosses than game day? You want bland? We'll give you bland. In fact every touchdown today and tomorrow night should be anti-celebrated the same way, just as a way to tell the owners to buy larger undergarments so there isn't much chafing and binding to ruin their days. We assume this is an ownership thing, since the owners are the ones who typically decide when touchdown celebrations get too, well, what, exactly? Choreographed? Whimsical? Lurid? Evocative of historical massacres? Disturbing to the youth of America? But even if they're in the clear this time, someone in the league office has decided the players' gift for the terpsichore of muse must be restricted lest the nation become morally compromised any more than it already is as a matter of everyday commerce.

Read it at Defector ↗

← Front page