Cheating Is A College Football Feature, Not A Bug

Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Israel Daramola and Ray Ratto will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about. Ray: With all the braying about the blessed return of football games this past week, all by people who should be constantly monitored for their protection and ours, we note that while there were many games there was only some football. So far this season, ranked teams have beaten unranked teams by an aggregate score of 1,085-241, which is an average score of 45-10. (We are omitting the Mississippi-Louisville game since both teams were ranked and therefore treated the opener like the event it should be.) All the ranked teams won, with the neon green asterisk being Michigan. Now we will ignore the elephantine questions of who got fired at Kalshi after paying out on Western Michigan bets, and who is the guiltiest party in the swindling of those deeply screwed Kalamazoomers. It has been six days since the discovery of the Big Ten's Mystery Clock, and in a culture like college football's, where cheating can be the difference between the Bluebonnet and Peach Bowls, most outrages this obvious barely last three days, let alone six. Instead, we will note that three games last weekend were delayed by the bestial weather and a fourth, between the Colorado School of Mines Orediggers and Washburn Ichabods, became the first tie game in 31 years because even after starting the game early to avoid a heat index figure straight from Satan's colon, the two schools went into overtime and couldn't finish. And really, can you pick a favorite between Orediggers and Ichabods? Anyway, let the sad tales commence.

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